Archive for the ‘ Fun Stuff ’ Category

Car, Boat, Airplane, and Helicopter All in One

Pushing the envelope of automotive creativity, British concept designer Philip Pauley has penned a vehicle that wears a lot of hats, so to speak, and uses attachments to become a boat, plane, or helicopter.

The Halo Intersceptor is a 311-mph four-seater sports car around which the boat, plane, and helicopter are designed. To transform from a supercar to another mode of transport, the vehicle snaps into a structural attachments to power the new boat/plane/helicopter. It may sound far fetched, but Pauly says his concept is a road map that auto manufacturers should follow and design as the current road infrastructure reaches its full capacity.

2010
11/11
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Michael Jackson, ‘Breaking News’

As we have learned from Tupac, Biggie and Kurt Cobain, just because our biggest, most legendary musicians pass away, it doesn’t mean their music stops. Which brings us to “Breaking News,” the first single off of Michael Jackson’s first posthumous album, Michael, due out Dec. 14.

Anything off of a posthumous album is going to have a somewhat eerie quality, just by nature. But “Breaking News,” certainly ups the ante, due to its content. It’s about the ferocious way Michael Jackson was hounded and covered by the media in the final years of his life.

It’s a fast-paced and aggressive song, with squelching and squiggling keyboard lines zig-zagging across the frantic rhythm. It certainly sounds like Michael Jackson. Or does it?

There’s been plenty of debate as to whether “Breaking News” is an authentic Michael Jackson performance or not. According to the U.K. newspaper, The Guardian, the Jackson family is claiming that Sony Records was given some false tracks for Michael. Sony claims that Michael Jackson recorded “Breaking News” in 2007 and that the song was recently completed.

Listen to Michael Jackson’s Breaking News here

2010
11/09
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Pinoy Jokes part 9a

51. a couple at the wishing well. husband leans over, made a wish and throws coin. wife made a wish, but leans too much, falls in and drowns. Husband: “hala! bilis naman!”

52. Anak: papa ngtumbling ako sa skul! Ama: I told u hwag kang mgtatumbling at makikita yang panty mo! Anak: Hindi nmn nkita kasi nilagay ko sa bag ko!

53. a naked girl rode on a taxi. GIRL: bkit? ngaun k lang ba nkakita ng hubad? DRIVER: hindi miss! iniicp ko lng kun san nktago pmasahe mo.

54. ang kamote ba ay fruit o vegetable? esep esep esep. alam mo na? ano sagot?? Fruit siya kc pgkumain ka ng kamote at nautot ka sabi ng utot mo. “fruuuuut”

55. anong gulay ang mputi? eh di. PUTItoe. eh ano naman ang ms mputi sa PUTItoe? eh di.. MashPUTItoe!

56. A man killed a dear and cooked it but doesn’t tell kids what it is. He gives a clue, “gnyan twag skin ng mama niyo.” The girl cries out. “wag nyo kainin demonyo yan!”

57. a husband came home 4am and saw his wife in bed with another man. his wife shouted at him: “where have you been?” Husband: “Who’s that man?” Wife: “Ay grabe ka! don’t change the topic!”

58. A devila came running to my room. He wanted to have trouble with good people. I suggested your name. “oh no!” he said, “we should not disturb our superiors!”

59. Anak: tay! penge pera, 5 lang po bili lng ako sucherya! Tatay: tanga! nak, di sucherya twag dun! Anak: eh ano po ba? Tatay: chiskarr!

60. BABAE: langya kang lalaki ka! ginabi ka nnmn! lasing ka pa! ang kapal ng mukha mo! HAYOP ka talaga! LALAKI: tumahimik ka nga dyan inday! katulong ka lang dito!

61. ANAK: itay, bibili ako ng band peper. ITAY: anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi band peper ang twag dun.! ANAK: ano po ba? ITAY: “kokongban”

62. Beggar: boss palimos po! Student: iinom ka? mgsusugal o mgddroga? Beggar: wala po akong bisyo. Student: ok sana ka skin pra mlamn ng nanay ko ang nangyri sa taong walang bisyo!

63. a lawyer driving on a hi-way notices a crowd in an intersection. with his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted, “im the son of the victim.” upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through. there he saw, bloody and helpless lying infront of the people. a pig bumped by a trailer truck.

64. Bata: nay. ano po ang nasa tyan nio? Nanay: kpatid mo! Bata: mhal nyo po ba siya? Nanay: oo nmn! Bata: eh bkit mo po knain?

65. Berto: kmusta assignment? Ricardo: masama, wala ako nsagutan. blank paper pinasa ko! Berto: naku ako din! pano yan? bka isipin nla ngkopyahan tau!

66. ano ang english term ng santol? “where dude?”

67. aanhin mo ang npakalaking bhay. mga mamahaling sasakyan. milyong2 kayamanan, at msasarap na pgkain kung katulong ka lang?

68. Ama: blita ko bakla ka? Anak: di po ako bakla! mga chismax lng yan gling sa mga chuvaness na wala mgwa sa chenelyn nla! mga chaka ever! ako? baklush? hallow!! Ama: gnun ba? akala ko 22o ang churvah! okei!

69. a girl’s prayer: dear God, thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me. this time, I won;t ask anything for myself. please just give my parents a hot son-in-law! Amen!

70. ATTY: ano? idedemanda mo boss mo ng sexual harrasment dahil lang cnabihan kang mbango ang buhok mo? ano msama dun? BABAE: your honor, unano ang boss ko! UNANO!

71. Amo: bkit k umiiyak? Maid: sbi po kc ng doktor ta2nggalan dw ako ng butlig! Amo: butlig lang, umiiyak ka na! Maid: ok lng kung ryt lig or lep lig lang. bkt butligs pa?

72. A: mgkno po adobo? M: 20 lng! A: my sbaw? M: libre na sbaw nmin. A: kanin meron? M: 5 lang! A: my tutong? M: libre na! A: cge manong, tutong at sabaw nga!

73. Tumabi ako sau at huminga ng malalim. Tnanong mo, “bkit?” ngumiti ako, ngtanong ka ulit, “bkit nga?” sumagot ako, “badtrip naman oh! Msama bang huminga?”

74. two friends talking: PEDRO: wow pare! Nood ako sine knina, ubos 1000 ko! JUAN: ha? Bkit? PEDRO: bili ako ng bili ng ticket. Pinupunit nung babae sa pinto! Adik yata!

75. Wife: hon, cno si trixie? Husband: ah, kabayo un. Yung pinustahan ko sa karera. Wife: ah ganun? Cge sagutin mo telepono! Tumatawag un kabayo.

76. two pinoys were driving in L.A highway trying to get to
Disneyland. They saw a sign that said, “Disneyland left.” So they went home and said, “sayang, di natin naabutan!”

77. mindgame: hindi tao, hind hayop, tatlo mata, dalawa paa. Lumilipad, katawan ay parang higad. Sirit? Sagot: monster

78. Teacher: what’s your name? Pupil: early seven strikeland po! Teacher: niloloko mo ba ko? Pupil: hindi po, yan ang name ko sa inglis! Sa pilipino po, Agapito Hampaslupa.

79. two indians stood a distance from each other. How did they communicate? Remember they have a red dot on their forehead? Via infrared! Hanep!

80. 2 pipi nguusap. Pipi1: Pipi2: Pipi1: Pipi2: Pipi1: Pipi2: Pipi1: Pipi2: kakatouch noh?

81. Sexy: maawa ka! Meron ako, meron ako! Rapist: ah! Wlang meron2 skin! Ti2kman kta! Sexy: wag! Ay!! Rapist: yaaak! Meron k nga! Meron kang itlog, bakla!

82. Tatay: bagsak k n nmn! Bat di mo gyahin si Pedro? Palaging my honor! Anak: unfair naman kung ikukumpara nyo ako kay Pedro! Tatay: bkit naman? Anak: matalino kaya tatay nun!

83. student nahuli my kodigo. Guro: ano to ha? Student: prayer ko po ma’am! Guro: bat puro sagot naman? Student: wow! Nsagot na po prayers ko!

84. Q: may 10 inggitera, ngpkmatay ang 1, ilan ang ntira? A: eh di wala kasi lahat nainggit, gumaya tuloy!

85. Q: my joke ako sayo tungkol sa construction. Ano? A: I’m still working on it pa eh.

86. Q: why do farts smell? A: to give justice to those who can’t hear.

87. Q: bakit sumikat si sadako? A: kasi lumabas siya sa TV!

88. mike is very late for class one afternoon. His teacher questions him, “what happened? Why are you so late?” “I was attacked by gunmen.” “Oh my god, did they hurt you?” “No, but they stole my homework.”

89. Son: Father can you close your eyes and write your name? Father: Of course I can that’s easy! Son: Then, please close your eyes and sign my report card?

90. Sa english: eat all you can, don’t be shy, feel at home. Sa tagalog: kain lang ng kain, walang hiya kayo, pakiramdam niyo bahay niyo to.

91. Saang lugar parehong kulot ang buhok ng babae at lalake? I like the way you think. But the real answer is Africa.

92. Sa mall. Mom: Anak, wag ka bibitaw sa palda ko para di ka mawala ha? Anak: opo nay! Two hours later. Mom: Mamang guard, may nkita ba kayong batang may dalang palda?

93. 3 things that make me happy. 1 thing, 2 things, 3 things. Yehey! Masaya na naman ako! Isa pa! Isa pa! 1 thing, 2 things, 3 things. Whooo! Ang saya saya!

94. Welcome to the battle of the brainless! Announcer: ano ang pambansang hayop sa Pilipinas? Nagsisimula ito sa K! Contestant: Kuto? Announcer: sa lupa ito gumagapang. Contestant: Kutong Lupa!!

95. Prof: meron bang tanga dito sa klasE? Kung meron tumayo! [May tumayong estudyante] Prof: tanga ka ba? Student: naawa lang po ako sau sir, kaw lang nktayo eh. Sasamahan n kita.

96. sumakay si mahal sa taxi. Mahal: mama alam niyo to address? Siksikoten patay titi. Tinignan ng driver ang papel. Ang address pala ay 66010 pasay city.

97. 5 ways to annoy your professor. 5. be absent always. 4. don’t do your homework. 3. sleep in class. 2. make the whole class laugh while the prof is talking. 1. perfect his exam.

98. Q: ano twag sa hipon na laging nadidisgrasya? A: Accident Prawn!

99. Pulis1: pre, alam mo naba ang usap-usapan? Pulis2: bakit pre anong balita? P1: may bading daw sa campo ntin? P2: sino daw pre? P1: kiss muna

Read Also:Pinoy Jokes part 9, Pinoy Jokes part 10

2010
11/04
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Pinoy Jokes part 9

1. Ang gabi ay itim. Sa labas ay madilim. Tumingin ka man, cguradong madilim. Buksan mo man ang yong mga mata, kulay itim. Nangangahulugan, ang madilim ay itim. Huh?

2. When problems seem unbearable and solutions are too elusive. Never try to give up on life. Why? Come on! Hindi mo alam, grabe ang struggle ng sperm mareach lang ang egg pra mbuhay ka noh!

3. Der are times u’re afraid. Times you’re confused. Times you feel lonely. times you start to cry. times you start to laugh. ABA! Padoktor ka na baka nababaliw ka na.!

4. Sabi nila, minsan, sa buhay natin, kelangn mamili kung ung taong mhal mo o mhal ka! Hello?! Di na uso un ngaun. Ang tanong., Yummy ba siya?

5. An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “What are you doing?” he shouted, to which his wife said to her lover. “I told you he was stupid.”

6. A husband coming from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. WIFE: Did the priest tell you to be so romantic like dis? HUSBAND: No, He told me to carry my cross.

7. AMA: Hoy Brando! Huwag kang babakla-bakla ha! ANAK: Di po itay. Punta nga ako sa basketball court ngayon. AMA: Yan, astig! ANAK: Mama, nakita mo pompoms ko?

8. Kisses blown are kisses wanted. Kisses aren’t kiaawa unless they are tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So kiss me baby, “I’m vaccinated.”

9. Miss mo na ba yung mga lines na yes walang pasok! Yung crush mo dadaan, wala daw si maam? Penge one hul. Pkopya naman. Kakamiss db? Pro ms nkkmiss yung “nay baon! bilis late nko!”

10. Minsan naglalakad aq, ngiisa. Lumingon ako sa kanan, wala akong nakita. Lumingon ako sa kaliwa, wala rin akong nkita. Kaya ayun. tumawid n ako!

11. Nung 1 gabi sumakay ako sa FX. Nagtataka ako kung bakit lahat sila nakatingin skin. Ayaw nila kumibo, nkatitig lng sila skin. May 1 naglakas loob at sinabi. “Iha inarkila namin to.”

12. ATORNI: Ilang oras ka nirape iha? MINDA: Mga 5hours po. ATORNI: ha? 5hours ka nirape? MINDA: Opo, kasama npo yung foreplay, then nagyosi pa kami pra my bonding.

13. We are born beautiful.. Some were just born..

14. 3 vampires having dinner. MAYAMAN: Fresh blood pls. MIDDLE CLASS: Dinuguan nga. MAHIRAP: Tubig na lang, may napulot kc akong napkin. Magtsatsaa na lang ako.

15. PEDRO: Miss, pabili nga ng bolpen. MISS: Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen. [Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan.] PEDRO: My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen! Haller!

16. Morato and Maceda were driving in LA when an American swerves along the car path. Morato: F*ck you a*shole! American: Suck my d*ck! Maceda: Ay tita! Nakikipag-areglo!

17. Kapag iniwan ba kita, hahabulin mo ako? Sasayangin mo ba oras mo para sa akin? Malulungkot ka ba dahil iniwan kita? Sa tingin ko, hindi eh, kasi, noon, iniwan na kita, ang sabi ko, “Stay!” Sabi mo lang.. “Arf! arf!”

18. ANAK: Lagi na lang ako mali! Hindi na ko gumawa ng tama! Hindi niyo nko mhal! TATAY: Anak, ngkkamali ka. ANAK: p*tang ina! Mali na naman?

19. ANAK: Tay, san grief ko? TATAY: Kaw bata ka, di ka pa rin natututo. brief hindi grief! ANAK: Ah! Eh san po tay? TATAY: andun sa kwarto, nakahammer!

20. SAKRISTAN: Father, nakita ko yung pilay, nagdadasal sa altar tapos tinapon saklay nia at naglakad. PARI: Diyos ko! Isa itong himala! Asan siya? SAKRISTAN: Andun po, nadapa, basag ang mukha!

21. DOC1: I’m feeling guilty. I had s*x with my patient. DOC2: Relax! It really happens in our profession. DOC1: G*go! Anong relax ka jan? Veterinarian kaya ako!

22. Sa garden of Eden. ADAM: Lord, hindi ko na kaya ang tukso sakin ni Eba. LORD: Maging matatag ka anak. Bakit? Paano ka tinutukso? ADAM: bading! bading! Asaaar!

23. BOY: Mahal kita! I love you! Lumindol man o bumagyo pupunta ako sa inyo. GIRL: Bat wala ka kagabi? BOY: Uhm, ano kasi eh.. Umambon..

24. 2 Mayabang. PARE1: Galing ng aso ko. Tuwing umaga, dala niya dyaryo sakin. PARE2: Alam ko. PARE1: Ha? Pano mo nalaman? PARE2: Kwinento kaya sakin ng aso ko!

25. KUBA: Tnukso nila akong kuba! Makapagaral nga ng karate. 5months later. FRIEND: Gling mong magkarate ah. Tinatwag kp rin ba nilang kuba? KUBA: Hindi na, ninja turtle na!

26. PASAHERO: Bosing, di pa ba tayo aalis? DRIVER: mmya na ho, wala pa pong laman. PASAHERO: Anong tingin mo sa akin? Sabaw?

27. TATAY: Junior! Lahat ng ssbihin ko isigaw mo!. BARIL!! Sigaw!! JR: BARIL!! TATAY: BALA!! JR: BALA!! TATAY: ARMALITE!! JR: ARMALITE!! TATAY: LALAKI!! JR: Asaan??

28. Bus hinold-up. HOLDUPPER: rereypin ko lahat ng babae dito. PROSTI: ako na lang po maawa kau sa kanila! MADRE: weh! epal. lahat nga daw eh. pakielamera to!

29. Ma’am: Class, mgpppicture tayo kasi paglaki nyo masasabi niyo. “Oh si Juan eng’r na! Si pedro doktor na! Si Linda nurse na!” DODONG: At si ma’am patay na!

30. MRS: Bkit ba basa ka ng basa jan sa marriage contract ntin? MR: [di pnancin si mrs.] MRS: Oi! ano ba kasi hinahanap mo jan? MR: naman! tinitignan ko lang kung my expiry date!

31. BITOY: dagul, bakit ang pandak mo? DAGUL: kasi bata pa lang ako ulila na ko. BITOY: Ano kaugnayan nun sa pgiging pandak mo? DAGUL: sira pala ulo mo! Wala nga nagpalaki skin!

32. May isang kano na nglalakad. Nakita ni Juan na bukas ang bag ng kano! JUAN: pedro! sbihin mo dun sa kano na bukas ang bag nia! PEDRO: hey joe! your bag is tomorrow!

33. 3 tanga ngsisiksikan sa mliit na kama. TANGA1: pare hindi tyo kasya. Bawas tayo ng 1. Sa lapag nlng m2log. [bumaba ang 1.] TANGA2: ayan pare maluwag na, akyat ka na dito!

34. Doc talking to moms. Mhilig ka s sweets so u named her CANDY. Mahilig ka sa pera so u named him PENNY. 3rd mom tumayo, “Let’s go D*CK bago tayo mainsulto dito!”

35. Magasawa, nag-aaway. BABAE: punyet* ka! LALAKE: punyet* ka rin! BABAE: t*rantado! LALAKI: t*rantado ka rin! BABAE: sup*t! LALAKI: sorry na!

36. TXTM81: Friend, my taning na ang buhay ko! Last nyt ko na to kya txt tau buong gabu. TXTM82: Heh! Tumigil ka nga, maaga pa gising ko bukas buti ikaw hindi na!

37. LOLO: paki abot naman yang posporo. LOLA: anjan naman yung shellane eh! LOLO: so, ipanlilinis ko yung shellane sa tenga ko?

38. PASYENTE: doc, gbi2 panaginip ko basketbol, di ako maka2log ng maayos. DOC: masama yan! 2 gmot inumin mo cmula mmyang gbi. PASYENTE: pwede po bukas na? DOC: bakit? PASYENTE: championship na mamaya!!

39. all desirable things in life are either. illegal, banned, fattening, or taken na! Leche tlga! Prang wala ng choice kundi mgksala ah!

40. a beautiful story, -a girl asked a boy if he thot she was pretty, he sed no.. ayun, badtrip un girl. ngtanong pa kc!

41. ang MAYABANG mhal kna ayw pang aminin. ang TORPE mhal kna ayw pang sbihin, ang PAKIPOT mhal kna ayaw pang sgutin. pero ang TANGA nktapak n ng tae inamoy pa!

42. a black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy. the baby asked, “does this mean I’m an angel?” fairy laughs, “of course not! negrang to. ambsyosa! paniki ka!”

43. ANAK: tay, di ako mk2log, dming lamok! TATAY: ptayin ntin un ilaw pra d nla tau mkita. [pgptay sa ilaw, pmsok ang mga alitaptap] ANAK: hala! tay ngdala cla ng flashlyt!

44. bakit hindi tntagalog ang NO ID NO ENTRY sa gate lalo n s paaraalan? kc pg tnagalog un, ang klalabasan, WALANG ID WALANG PASOK! Yahoo! uwian na! ang saya!

45. a fat farmer was in the cr trying to flush his shit when suddenly the toiletbowl broke and bursted. the shit flooded into the
wheatfields then POOF it bcame koko krunch!

46. ano ang twag sa higanteng mais? eh di. . kapre-corn.!

47. ano ang cnbi ng 0 sa 8? “ang skip nmn ng belt mo.” ano ang cnbi ng 9 sa 6? “ang laki nmn ng tyan mo.” ano nmn cnbi ng 6 sa 9? “kuba!” ano cnbi ng 0 kay Q? “oy, mgbrief ka nmn!”

48. a lizard fell on a table. Genius: “Oh reptila scincidae” Kikay: “eew lizard” Astig: “Shit butiki” Mataray: “Shucks, tiki.” Mayaman: “Yuck Lacoste.” Mahirap: “Pare! ulam!”

49. a man was carrying 3 babies in a train. lady sitting next asked. “are they ur babies?” man: “No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!”

50. APO: lola, aatend ako ng tipar. LOLA: anong tipar? APO: Tipar is party. LOLA: Puro salitang kalye! Mga PS kaung lhat! APO: anu ung PS lola? LOLA: Paking shet!

Read Also: Pinoy Jokes part 8 Pinoy Jokes part 9a

2010
11/04
POSTED BY
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Comments Off on Pinoy Jokes part 9

Pinoy Jokes part 8

Indi na magreklamo na corny. Haha. Mababaw lang gid ko ya. Ka-OP sang post ko ah. hahaha. Masusing pinili yan. Okay na nabasahan nyu na before. haha. basta. bored na ko.
_____

TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa dugo’t pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: eeewwww!
_____

PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.
JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?
PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon
_____

BOY: is this your first time?
GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh. You guys talaga. So kuleeet! Always asking me the same question. Paulit-ulit. Hmp!
_____

Boy: Musta na?Ü
Girl: Okay lang, ***?Ü
Boy:K lang din hehe.Ü
Girl: Hehe.Ü
Boy: Ü
Girl: Ü
_____

Isang araw nanganak ang isang babae ng napakapanget na sanggol..

Nanay: Isa siyang kayamanan…

Tatay: Oo nga….

….tara ibaon na naten!!!
_____

Sa school….

Bakla1: Friendship, bakit parang ang puti
ng mukha mo ngayon?

Bakla2: Halleeeer!

FOUNDATION DAY
kaya ngayon! Duh?!
_____

TEACHER: kung meron akong isang piraso ng karne at hinati ko to, ilang piraso na?
BUKNOY: 2 po mam!

TEACHER: kung hinati ko pang pareho?
BUKNOY: 4 na po mam!

TEACHER: hinati ko ulit.
BUKNOY: 8 piraso na po.

TEACHER: hinati ko pa.
BUKNOY: 16 na po.

TEACHER: hinati ko pa.
BUKNOY: 32 piraso na po!

TEACHER: kung hinati ko ulit?
BUKNOY: 64 po!! (galit)

TEACHER: at hinati ko pa. dalawang beses ko pang hinati.
BUKNOY: put@ngina mo, mam! GINILING na un!!! GINILING!!!!!
_____

TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?

STUDENT: Ma’am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!

(abi ko death ang holiday diba?)
_____

LOLO: ikuha mo ako ng ice cream sa ref

LOLA: cge

LOLO: wag kang ulyanin, ice cream ha!!

LOLA: oo ice cream.. gusto mo yung paborito mo pa, vanilla flavor.

LOLO: ok…

(Pagbalik ni LOLA)

LOLA: eto na yung hotdog

LOLO: sabi na nga ba eh, ulyanin ka na…

LOLA: Bakit?!

LOLA: eh nakalimutan mo yung ketchup!!!!
_____

Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko. Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano ‘yan? Baka isipin
nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!
_____

pinoy at amerikano sa elevator galing sa 10th floor. nang tumigil ang elevator sa 5thrd floor, pagbukas nito may pinoy na nagtanong.

pinoy 1: BABABA BA?

pinoy sa elevator: BABABA.

pagtapos ay sumakay na ang pinoy, at ngtanong ang amerikano..

amerikano: did you guys just had a real conversation?
_____

CLASSIC ERAP JOKES
_____

Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.
ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.
LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!
_____

nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.
BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.
ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!
_____

ERAP SA PIZZA HUT
WAITER: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices? ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.
_____

Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta. ATTENDANT: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase. ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!
_____

Erap is a little bit confused on what surname to use. Estrada or Ejercito so he asked his presidential advisers. and they all suggested ” Sir, toss coin na lang “. and Erap happily agreed. He now told everyone to start calling him President Joseph Tosscoin.
_____

ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.

TAO: Anong problema?

ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to. Tsk, tsk…

TAO: Anong title?

ERAP: “The Lens Cleaner”
_____

LOLA JOKES (My Top 2!!)
_____

Girl (Nangungulangot sa jeep)
Lola: anong kinukuha mo iha?
Girl: Nursing po
Lola: ah akala ko kulangot
_____
isang araw habang nanunuod ako
tumabi sakin ang lola ko…

ang haba ng buhok at itim na itim ang damit
parang malungkot at may hawak na kutsilyo…

KINABAHAN ako…..

nag-isip ako….

nagsalita sya….

sabe……

“apo, bagay ba sakin ang EMO?”

Read also: Pinoy Jokes part 7, Pinoy Jokes part 9

2010
11/04
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Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.